He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
