in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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