we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
