i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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