im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
