Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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