If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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