I will die if light touches me.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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