It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
