sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize