So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
