maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
