K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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