Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
