He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
