I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
