Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
