i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
