College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
