Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
