i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
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