if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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