I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
