It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
