Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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