oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
