i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
