i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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