i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize