I'm so fucking centered right now
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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