We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
