Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize