Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
