The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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