I looked at my own cervix.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You made out with two different species that night
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
