There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
