I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
