you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
