Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
