Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
