You're so nebulous sometimes
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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