Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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