She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize