she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Damn victory sex feels great
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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