mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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