My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
