I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize