I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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