so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
