butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
