Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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