I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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