Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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