at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
