My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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