she was so not down for the gang bang
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
