His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
