i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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