shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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