uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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