when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
