the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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