so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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