I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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