ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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