i just had sex bonerless
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
