Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
