A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
