I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
