and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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