I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I supernannyed him into submission
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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