WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
