I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
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