I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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